Friday, January 29, 2010

"High Probability of Ovarian CA

It has been a year ago today since I had an ovarian cancer removed.

I am thinking tonight about last year.
Staring at the preliminary CT report that said "High probability of ovarian CA".
How incredibly scared I was.
I still am, I suppose.

I know the doctors say my survival rate is good.
A stage I cancer.
Chemo for good measure.
Low CA-125 levels since the end of treatment in June.
Clear mammogram in August.
All is going well.

But, it's always in the back of my mind.
Who am I kidding? It's in the front of my mind on a daily basis.
What if it comes back?
What if some stray cancer cells weren't caught? A few loose cannons that the Taxol and Carbo didn't kill.
Will they end up in my liver or colon like the cancers that took my cousins, Wade and Karen this past year?

Every little ache.
Every little twinge and I begin to wonder if it's starting all over again.

I realize this is no way to live. I have to get on with life.

I can't let worry be the thing that ends up killing me.


Blogger dillyweed said...

A little fear is good, cause it keeps you on top of going to the doctor, getting tests and preventative measures to ensure you are healthy. But BIG fear is bad. It eats at you. You deserve to live and enjoy life.
Cast all your cares on HIM. Do what you can do and put the rest on Him.
I'm so thankful that the cancer was caught when it was. That you were able to have the surgery at the moment you did. That your doctors had wisdom during those months. That they got it all. That you survived the chemo and are on the other side of it all now.
I'm so proud of you. You are an incredible friend. I love you!

8:38:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

KW, the emotion and recognition of your feelings in this post really speaks to the reality of the f***er that is cancer. Trust in the fact that it has been exorcised from your body. Maybe as you begin to trust the results of your tests and have faith in the fact the cancer is gone the fear will subside. Just know I will always be here for you, through the good feelings, the not so good feelings and of course, our future together as old biddy's...

9:50:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Please think about our mom. She had her first heart surgery about 25 years ago. She has been letting that fact rule her life for 25 years. Always talking about how she was going to die any day. Always saying she cant do things, go places, you know what I mean. We do have to be careful and watch out for symptoms BUT you have to remember that you have won the battle. You can now enjoy the second life that God has given you. Use it for something good. Love life. Live life.
Dont shut out the ones who want to show you love,
your sister, Roxana

9:57:00 PM  
Blogger Chris S said...

Hugs and kisses to you Kathy.
Thanks for sharing this post.

2:48:00 AM  

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