Sunday, March 23, 2008


I was driving to Bakersfield this morning to spend the day with my family.
I took a little detour, due west, to Fellows. This is where I spent half of my childhood. You know, before my parents got divorced. Before we moved to the big city of Bakersfield.
This is a picture of the street leading into town. I assure you, that is a town up ahead.

This is what Fellows was all about back in the day.
My Dad worked for Standard Oil at the time we lived there.
The Oil Companies owned the land. People bought the houses. But, the land belonged to the Oil Company.

These are a few pictures of the park in Fellows. I spent many hot summer days going down that elephant slide.

This is a corner in town.
Every so often, I have a re-occuring dream that takes place at this corner.

This is the street that leads up to where our house used to be.

This is where the driveway to our house once was.

A view looking down the hill.

There were ditches behind the houses. The houses where kind of ramshackled to begin with. Not much in the way of landscaping since it was basically desert. Though, I have to say, my Mom did give it a good go with trying to grow grass.
As you can see, there isn't much here anymore. The government decided it was cheaper to get oil from the middle east. The town has just been dying a slow death since the late 1960's.

This is the backlot that belonged to our neighbor. The lot with a back house.
It's just an empty piece of land.
Dirt. Rocks, Sticks.
The bones of our old dog, Rags.
It's nothing.
So, why does it haunt me?
Why can't I let it go?

Just like the town, I feel like I've been dying a slow death.

I sat in this spot today.
Hoping for closure.
Praying that God would erase those memories.
Or at least give me a way to understand what happened here.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Kathy, you are brave and I love you, my friend. I so wish we lived closer. cs

12:32:00 AM  
Blogger The Ice Cream Lady said...

Being 10 years different in age, we have different perspectives. I always hated that place. The worst experiences and memories of my life were there. Everytime I went to stay with grandma and had to come back to that house, I cried and cried. I am not surprised the town died. Hopefully the nice people (which there were very, very few of) moved on to a happier life. You should too.
Your sister.

11:52:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thinking of you...

6:22:00 PM  
Blogger dillyweed said...

I'm so sorry sweetie. Maybe with that town dying, the pain can be laid to rest with it there. I think a desolate place can be depressing in itself, and on top of it with memories that haunt you...
You deserve closure. I pray God gives you that, my friend.
Keep praying and working on it.

1:02:00 PM  
Blogger Kellyann Brown said...

I have the same feeling about Turlock, where I spent my college years. It is booming. I hardly recognize it. The place where I spent a year of my undergraduate life was a converted hospital, it is now torn down and a brand new apartment building with beautiful landscaping has taken its place. The little place I lived for about a year is still there, behind its bigger house, but it's all boarded up. The place I worked for four-and-a-half years ("Good afternoon, Medic Alert") while I was going to speech path school is still there. My college, Cal State Stanislaus, has grown and grown and grown. I still see the bones of where I spent those long years. It really depresses me to go back. I was so unhappy there and I was so happy there, it is like drinking oil and vinegar. Has it really been almost 25 years? Sheesh! Where does the time go?

2:43:00 PM  

Post a Comment

Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]

<< Home