Overheard in the Therapy Room

Every once in awhile you get a patient that can only be described as a character.
That would be my patient, Mr. McTrucker (not his real name, in case you might know him).

He's an old guy that came to the unit with a minor head injury from a fall.

He's bit older than this guy. But, not by much. You get the picture.

The nurses think he's just a dirty old man. The OT claims he's a grabber.
Maybe so.
But, the time I spend with him is not dedicated to helping him shower or toilet himself.

Happily, in my line of work, I can easily sit three feet away from him without the threat of the wandering hand.

I have to say, I like this kind of patient.
He's a bit grumpy, but not so grumpy he can't be sweet talked into doing some therapy.
Lucky for me, he does like to talk. Once you get him going.

Here are a couple of examples of our conversations:

Therapist: "Tell me a little about yourself."

Patient: "I don't know. Like what?"

Therapist: "Like are you married? Do you have children?"

Patient: "Honey, I've been married seven times. I was dumb enough to marry one of em twice! What a mistake that was."

Another session:

Therapist: "Do you live alone?"

Patient: "No, I live with my son and I have a lady that helps take care of me. I live over on Pine St. Did you see in the paper where there was a big sink hole? That's around where I live. We had to evacuate in the middle of the night. It was so cold outside, this lady cop let me sit in the back of her patrol car."

Therapist: "That was nice for you."

Patient: "Yeah, it was the first time I've been in the back of a patrol car without handcuffs on."

Therapist: "Been arrested before, have you? For what?"

Patient: "Mostly disorderly conduct."

Another session:

Therapist: "So in your travels, what's would you say is the most interesting state in the U.S.?"

Patient: "I liked Arkansas a lot. My truck broke down for a week there one time."

Therapist: "What did you do?"

Patient; "Honey, all I could and the easy ones twice."

I shoulda saw that one coming.

Another session:

Therapist: "Did you sleep well last night?"

Patient: "Hell no! Honey, I had to sleep alone last night. Those nurses don't care a thing about me. Sleeping alone. That's a hell of a way to treat an old man. It's just not right."

And the standard response every time I end the session:

Therapist: "Anything I can get you before I go?"

Patient: "Yeah. A good looking blonde."

The blondes get all the good ones.