Godfrey's Mama

One Year

2010-06-02T21:08:00.000-07:00

Mary died this weekend.
I did not know her well.
She was a co-worker I casually chatted with in the PT cave.
She was diagnosed a few years ago. She had surgery, therapy.
She seemed to do well for a awhile.
But, then the cancer came back.

It has been a year since the end of my cancer treatment.
They start the "I am x number of years post cancer" clock with your last chemotherapy.

The rule of thumb is that the five year survival rate of all stages of ovarian cancer is 45.5%.
Since my cancer was confined to the primary site, my survival rate is 92.7%.

The tumor apparently burst during the surgery. I worry that some of those cancer cells are circulating around my body.
Trying to find another area to feed off of. My liver. My stomach, My bladder. My colon.
Skewing my survivor rate percentage lower.

But, so far, I have had normal CA-125 levels. My MRI was free of tumors. Just the mesh and titanium tacks from my hernia repair remain.

My oncologist is pretty much done with me.
"Come back in 6 months", Dr. Lin says.

It's just that at times I let the fear bubble up to the surface of my mind.
I try not to but, I worry that I am in the 7.3% that do have a return of the cancer.

I worry I will have no one to take care of me.
I worry I will die alone in a nursing home.
No one holding my hand when I pass on to the next life.

Mary died this weekend.

Wade died january before last.

Karen died in March of 2009.

Lynette died days before last Christmas.

Reta died just this last March.

I suppose they can reach for me from the other side when it is my time.

"and to see you're only very small and life flows on within you and without you."

Overheard in the Therapy Room

2010-04-22T17:31:00.000-07:00

Therapist: "What are your plans for the day?"

Elderly Male Inpatient Rehab Patient: "To prepare a typing list for your sister and bathe the cat."

I don't know who is going to be more upset. My sister taking typing orders from someone who's not paying her or the cat.

Aunt Ireta

2010-03-14T00:44:00.001-08:00

A photo of my aunt Janet, Aunt Ireta and mom surrounding their dog.

My Mom and Aunt at a party celebrating my Grandma's birthday.

My aunt was a saucy lady who had a tendency toward swearing like a sailor.

I loved that about her.
RIP Aunt Reta.

"High Probability of Ovarian CA

2010-01-29T19:25:00.000-08:00

It has been a year ago today since I had an ovarian cancer removed.

I am thinking tonight about last year.
Staring at the preliminary CT report that said "High probability of ovarian CA".
How incredibly scared I was.
I still am, I suppose.

I know the doctors say my survival rate is good.
A stage I cancer.
Chemo for good measure.
Low CA-125 levels since the end of treatment in June.
Clear mammogram in August.
All is going well.

But, it's always in the back of my mind.
Who am I kidding? It's in the front of my mind on a daily basis.
What if it comes back?
What if some stray cancer cells weren't caught? A few loose cannons that the Taxol and Carbo didn't kill.
Will they end up in my liver or colon like the cancers that took my cousins, Wade and Karen this past year?

Every little ache.
Every little twinge and I begin to wonder if it's starting all over again.

I realize this is no way to live. I have to get on with life.

I can't let worry be the thing that ends up killing me.

A Message For Pat

2010-01-14T18:55:00.000-08:00

No more backward thinking, time for thinking ahead...

Overheard At The Nurse's Station

2010-01-11T22:33:00.000-08:00

Unit Secretary: "What time is the pt from COH getting here?"

Registered Nurse: "I don't know yet I have to talk to the doctor about it. They said they were putting the pt in an ambulance and it will be here in 35 minutes."

Secretary: "Really."

RN: "Yes. I told them we cannot accept the pt. without the doctor's approval. They are just trying to get the pt. out of there by passing the bucket."

Overheard in the Therapy Room

2010-01-10T13:16:00.000-08:00

Therapist: "What kind of test did they take you down for this morning?"

Elderly Male Patient: "I don't know."

Therapist: " I saw them taking you off the unit earlier this morning. You don't know what test it was?"

Patient (clearly has no idea): "It was a sex test."

Therapist: Did you pass?"

Patient (smiling): "With flying colors!"

Remembering Lynette

2009-12-27T16:24:00.000-08:00

February 21, 1956 - December 22, 2009

A Christmas Tale

2009-12-21T23:30:00.000-08:00

Overheard in the Therapy Room

2009-12-05T18:13:00.000-08:00

Therapist (noticing the newspaper on the table): "What's going on with Tiger today?"

100 year old Female African American Patient: "I don't know, but if he's that rich, he can play with me anytime!"

Therapist: "Really. Is that so? What do you think about that whole situation?"

Patient: "Well, I wonder about these mixed marriages. A lot of women like that black meat.
I had it for 50 years and it was nice."

Laughter from the therapist.

Patient: "I might be 100, but I ain't dead down there yet!"

Overheard in the Therapy Room

2009-11-30T22:02:00.000-08:00

Middle-Aged Male Patient: "You know, I had an affair with my high school football coach."

Therapist: "Oh?"

Middle Aged Male Patient: "Yes. I got all the best positions." Pause. "On the field."

Rehab at El Cholo

2009-11-22T20:43:00.000-08:00

I went to dinner last night with some old friends from the hospital.

Some of them still work there, but I don't see them often.

They have moved on from the rehab unit to different floors.

There were several people there last night that I have not seen in many years.

Andi flew down from San Jose on Friday night. Kirsten and I went to pick her up and then we went over to Twoohey's for a late dinner.

The next night, we all met in the bar at El Cholo for a quick drink (how I have missed you, casadores). Then we had a nice little stroll down memory lane with dinner.

I have worked at the hospital for 20 years.

I have seen people come and go. Many people.

Some of them I have kept in contact with and some not so much.

Being with these old friends last night was good for my soul.

I didn't realize how much I miss them.

Overheard At The Nurses Station

2009-11-20T18:36:00.000-08:00

Physical Therapist: "You know, for the longest time I thought cervical cancer was cancer in the neck."

When Blue Dye Studies Go Wrong

2009-11-17T17:27:00.000-08:00

Gian At Roscoe's

2009-11-06T18:22:00.000-08:00

Godfrey's Costume

2009-10-31T16:37:00.000-07:00

Pictures of Domino

2009-10-24T00:02:00.000-07:00

Thanks, Mom

2009-10-17T21:01:00.000-07:00

Mom:"I just wanted to call to wish you a happy birthday."

Me: "Thanks, Mom. I guess I should thank you for having me."

Mom: "Well, there wasn't much I could do about it."

Addie and Guacamole

2009-10-17T20:55:00.000-07:00

No if's and's or buffs

2009-10-12T23:19:00.000-07:00

I went to Susan and Mike's on Sunday night. They had invited me and Briana's family over for pizza and ice cream.

I decided to go without my hats or buffs.

So, I put in some hair gel and spiked it up a bit and went over for the official unveiling.

If it looked really bad I would hope they would have said something. But, I thought it was a safe place to see how people react to it.

They only had kind things to say.

So, with that under my belt, I went to work with just my hair today.

No hat. No scarf. No buffs. OK, I did have pants and a blouse on too.

I felt kind of naked without those cover-ups since I have been wearing them since early spring.

And, no hair color.

I have decided to let the grey stay. ..at least for now.

I'm Hairy noon and nighty night night.

2009-10-08T20:25:00.000-07:00

About Menopause

2009-09-26T23:13:00.000-07:00

This is from a pharmacist's blog that I read on a pretty regular basis.

One of of his posts about the use of hormones in post menopausal women was particularly interesting to me.

I get more information from this guy than I do from my own doctors.

Camera Phone Pictures Part 9

2009-09-23T16:11:00.000-07:00

Forgot this one....

Camera Phone Pictures Part 8

2009-09-21T10:57:00.001-07:00

Camera phone pictures in no particular order:

Dylan, Addison and Nolan at the mall.

Dylan practicing TKD.

Addie and her pink elephant

Addie and Dillie looking for....bugs!

Dr Hegde, Jane and Hanako looking for....FIM scores.

Addie and her two pigtails.

Who is that behind those foster grants??

Gian resting in between eating and flirting with the waitress at Gus's.

Brother/sister time.

Grandpa and grandson time.

On the road in Oregon.

Such a happy girl!

At the cafeteria at work.

The pink balloon.

Briana drinking my Diet Pepsi.

Addie by the lake.

Dylan wearing his green hat in the paddle boat.

After the blood donation.

Like Mother...

Like Daughter..

Outside My Post Office

2009-09-20T22:47:00.000-07:00

Never saw anything like this outside the post office when Bush was president.
The politics of fear at work again.

Hypocrisy

2009-09-13T16:51:00.001-07:00

I realize this is only news when a Democrat does it.
This congressman has voted for just about every piece of "family values" legislation.

Time for him to go away.

The Hernia

2009-09-10T22:32:00.000-07:00

OK.
I have to admit I have been feeling sorry for myself.
I have to have an incisional hernia repair next Wednesday,
Just when I was starting to feel pretty good, this happens.
I know. It's a simple procedure. It's not the end of the world.
It could be worse.
I am just not too keen on going under general anethesia again.

And, I worry about things:
How am I going to raise the garage door?
How am I going to get my laundry done?
How am I going to empty the cat litter box?
How am I going to keep the cat off my lap?
How am I going to get to hold my Addie and Dillie?
How am I going to do any shopping?
How am I going to assist patients to transfer to the toilet?
How am I going to hold the world on my shoulders?
OK...those last two I don't really have to do.
But, still. There is a lot of lifting that needs to be done.

On the bright side, maybe I can finally catch up with what's going on in Pine Valley.
And, "The View" is back from hiatus.

I must also be thankful my hernia is not this bad.

Brownie The Cat

2009-09-06T23:18:00.000-07:00

Who would do this to an innocent animal?

Under Surveillance

2009-08-31T21:28:00.000-07:00

Last week. I got a letter in the mail from USC/Norris Comprehensive Cancer Center.

Apparently, when you get cancer here in L.A., you are put in something called "The Los Angeles County Cancer Surveillance Program."

So, wanting to do my part in cancer research, I agreed to have someone come over tonight for an interview.

Anything for science.

I signed a form allowing them to have access to my "tumor tissues".
The paperwork states that there is a small risk that a tumor specimen can be lost when being shipped from one location to another.
They assure me the risk is "less than one in a hundred."
That's good to know.

I would hate to think of my ovarian tumor tissue out there lost somewhere. All alone.

This was basically a survey of my gynecological history. Pretty generic stuff.
After about 20 minutes of questions the interviewer asked me to give a saliva sample.
So, I spit 5 times into a little container.
Just like I was asked to.

Anything for science.

The Rotten Apple Doesn't Fall Far From The Tree

2009-08-30T18:43:00.000-07:00

"Waterboarding is not torture."
-Liz Cheney, on This week With George Stephanopoulos

Good Lord, I hate it when they have her on the show.

It's not that I don't like to hear views that are opposite mine.
I think George Will makes very good points and I enjoy listening to him.
Today he remarked that it would be a good idea to establish a commission to find out if these kinds of techniques yield good intelligence.
I think that's a great idea as I believe they will find out that torture gets people to confess to anything.

But, not Liz Cheney.
Nope.
We don't need to find out if torture is effective, because it's not torture.
So leave her Daddy alone.

Fire

2009-08-29T20:47:00.000-07:00

No homes lost as far as I know. Still a massive fire and lots of evacuations. My friend Amy and her family may have to leave their home. Susan went up to help her pack some of their things. Keep them in your prayers.

TKD

2009-08-27T23:36:00.001-07:00

Dylan moved up to orange belt in TKD.
Black belt...here he comes!

Oh, Domino

2009-08-16T20:06:00.000-07:00

Overheard in the Therapy Room

2009-08-14T22:10:00.000-07:00

96 year old gentleman: "Where are you from anyway? New York or New Jersey?"

Therapist: "I'm from Bakersfield, California."

96 year old gentleman: "Not with THAT accent, you're not!"

Napping

2009-08-02T22:48:00.000-07:00

"ZZZZZZZ"

"What's going on here?"

"Oh geez. You and that camera again?"

"Give it to me."

"Sigh. Lucky for you I don't have opposable thumbs."

"Now, scram. I'm trying to nap here."

My Weekend

2009-07-26T22:13:00.000-07:00

I drove up to Bakersfield for the weekend to see my family.
On Saturday, we went up to the Tachi Palace Indian Casino in Lemoore.
After dropping a twenty in a "Wheel of Fortune" slot machine, I wandered off to the blackjack tables.
I spied a non smoking table that had an opening and slapped my hundred down for some chips.
The ladies on either side of me were quite friendly and new the basics of the game. This was good because I don't liked to be asked for my opinion about whether they should hit or not. I feel bad when I tell they should take another card and they end up busting.
So, things are moving along at the table with me, the older japanese lady and the middle aged latina woman.
Then a younger guy sits down at the table.
He is dealt two 9's. The dealer is showing a 3.
What does he do? Does he take this nice hand of 18 against the dealer's rather poor card and stop?
No.
He decides to split his 9's. And proceeds to bust both hands and therefore losing double the amount of his original bet.

After he left the table a few minutes later, I asked the dealer if many people split 9's.
"You'd be surprised. I don't know what the reasoning is. But, they do it all the time."

A few minutes later and old man sits down and is dealt 2 10's.
And he SPLITS them (therefore doubling his bet). He had 20. That's a fantastic hand.
But, that's not good enough for him. He ends up with a 17 and 18.
The dealer had a face card. Then he turn over the bottom card which was....
a 9.
So, he could have won his bet with the 2 tens. Instead, he lost on both hands.

So, if you see this guy. Follow him around. He is apparently the one they are referring to when they say "a fool and his money are soon parted".

After the ride back to B-field, we stopped at the Rice Bowl for dinner.

Battered shrimp, chicken chow mein, bbq ribs, fried rice and egg flower soup.
It was as good as always. My favorite chinese place.

The next day, Cheryl, Jared, Chelsea and I met my Mom and Willie for breakfast at IHOP.
We then walked over to the babies r us and I got some clothes for Jared and Chelsea's baby, who is due next month.
And, I got a couple of outfits for my Addie.

I wore this really cool "Survivor" buff Cheryl bought for me.

And, on my way out of town, I stopped to get a picture of the grape vineyard's with Bear Mountain in the backround.

Had a really nice weekend.

Maybe It's A Bull

2009-07-14T22:45:00.000-07:00

I have a new patient on the unit.
When going over orientation, I ask her to tell me her age. She always guesses that she's about 40 years younger than she really is.
I feel bad for her. Everyday after she's says she's about 48 years old, I have to tell her she is 78.
It always comes a shock to her.
Most of the time she doesn't believe me.

Her husband told me today that she is also surprised with how old he is.
She wonders why he's using a cane for walking.

I was looking at the cane, which is a rather old fashioned wood device. Definitely not one of the newer, sleeker models made with metal and painted with flashy colors.
Rather, it had a simple quality to it. It was bent in a couple of places, but certainly served it purpose well.

I asked my patient if she had ever seen him walk with it before.

"With what?"

"This cane over here."

"That's a cow's penis."

Well, if it is, it's mighty long one.
And, I didn't want to touch that with a ten foot pole.

Neighbors

2009-07-10T21:28:00.001-07:00

As I was pulling into my garage tonight, one of my neighbors was pulling up in her car.

I don't know her at all. Just the casual "how are you" when we pass by each other on our way to and from work. Maybe a wave on the weekends as she and her husband wash their car in the alley.

Tonight she waved at me and rolled down her window.

She told me if I ever needed anything, she would be happy to help out.
"I have been praying for you."

This really touched me. That someone I don't know would include me in their prayers.

Maybe she's been talking to Mrs. Davilla.

Addie's Birthday Song

2009-07-01T23:04:00.000-07:00

Happy Birthday

2009-06-27T21:26:00.000-07:00

Discussion About MJ On The Radio

2009-06-25T22:17:00.000-07:00

Kennedy: "How do you think his London comeback tour would have turned out?"

Kurt Loder: "Well, I'm not sure. It remains to be seen."

Overheard in the Therapy Room

2009-06-20T22:13:00.000-07:00

Therapist: "How is your day going? Did they make you do any exercise?"

80 year old female patient: "Exercise? The only exercise they did was wash my pussy."

Therapist: "OK. Well. Let's get started with our work here, OK? We are going to do some naming. I'd like you to name three things that are hot."

80 year old female patient: "Mae West is one."

Therapist: "I was thinking more along the lines of things that are hot in temperature."

80 year old female patient: "Well young lady, you've got me by the balls on that one."

I wonder if they washed those too....

Results From The Mashing Of The Boobs

2009-06-18T20:15:00.000-07:00

I know this is very tiny print, but if you click on the picture you can enlarge it.

If you are too tired to do that I'll just tell you:

Results of the mammogram were Within Normal Limits.
Sigh of relief....

See A Similarity?

2009-06-17T21:00:00.001-07:00

Okay. Last week I was in a different place and would not have thought this was funny.

But, today I do.

Thank You Mrs. Davilla

2009-06-09T22:24:00.000-07:00

Behind this door lives an elderly woman I hardly know.

Her name is Mrs. Davilla. She has been my across the hall neighbor for several years.
Our contact in the past have been limited to short conversations in the hallway. Just small talk really as we are going in and out of our apartments.
I have been inside her studio apt once. It was the time she left her front door slightly open for a few hours. I had been doing my laundry and had passed by her door a dozen times attending to my clothes in the laundry room.
I was a little worried about going in to check on her. Lisa convinced me I should, so I went inside to make sure she hadn't slipped in the bathroom or something like that.
The place was totally empty and dark. So I closed and locked her door.
When she came back a few days later I told her how I had found the door and that I had gone in to make sure she was OK.
Turns out she was waiting just outside the hallway door for her daughter to pick her up for a short trip. She had all her luggage outside and when she saw her daughter pull up on the street, she just headed out and forgot to close her door.
That is when we started checking on each other more, exchanged phone numbers etc.
She is a good neighbor.

She noticed that I have been home a lot, that I had my sister here and asked how I was doing. We talked about my cancer. She also has a sister in Texas who is suffering from breast CA.

Since that conversation, Mrs Davilla has been bring me food every week. Sometimes twice a week. She has made enchiladas, Mexican potato soup, Mexican meatballs, Mexican pudding, banana pudding, pineapple upside-down cake, a fruit plate with melon, kiwi, pineapple, grapes, chicken soup, casseroles, spaghetti. She has given me two vases of flowers as well as a plant.

We all have friends that in times of trouble will come through for us. For me it's been my sisters, Lisa, Susan and Briana. There are many others who offer emotional support as well like Carmen, Eva, Margarita and Chris. And, of course, all of my co-workers have been extremely supportive and generous. I know if I needed anything, all I would have to do is ask.

But, Mrs. Davilla has been an angel to me. She sends me get well cards. She prays for my recovery. She doesn't really know me and yet she continues to give of herself in support of me.
She has truly shown me the love of Christ.
She is an example of what I need to be.

Overheard At Dylan and Co.

2009-06-07T17:00:00.000-07:00

Dylan (seated in the backseat of the car): "Tagi, can you read this book to me?"

Kathy:" I wish I could, Dillie, but the print is too small for me to see from the front seat. I have old eyes."

Dylan: "Old eyes? No, you have pretty eyes."

Kathy: "Thank you, Dylan, they may be pretty but they are still old. Do you like that book about race cars? Did you watch the big race on Sunday at your grandma and grandpa's house?"

Dylan: "Yes. They were fast cars!"

Kathy: "You know, I have been around that race track. It's called the Indy 500. I have been around it twice."

Dylan: "Really? That's a lot when you have cancer!"

Kathy: "Well, you know I don't have cancer now. The doctor took it out."

Dylan: "The doctor took it out?"

Kathy: "Yes."

Dylan (pause): "But, you're still old."

Number 6

2009-06-02T00:34:00.000-07:00

Just a little movie from my last chemo.
And, did I mention, I'm never going back?
Yes...I think I did.

A big, big thank you to Susan who took me to four of my treatments, including yesterday. It made me feel better to have someone there with me. My sister took me for the other two.
It was such a time commitment and I appreciate them both so much for helping me through it.

We met up with Briana and Addie for a nice lunch afterward (love that chopped salad!).
It was good to spend that time with two wonderful friends and my favorite little girl.

Seven

2009-05-28T23:13:00.000-07:00

I had an appt. with my gynecologic oncologist for the last time before my last chemotherapy on June 1st.

I will continue to see him every three months for the next year, every 6 months the following year and every...well, I lost track how often after that.
It appears he wants to break up with me, albeit very slowly.

I will still be going to have blood drawn for labs. The CA-125 being an important blood test.
Normal CA-125 level is anything up to 35.
My level was 305, pre-surgery.
My last level was 7, post 5 chemo treatments.

The CA-125 is a so called tumor marker. It is not all that reliable in detecting ovarian cancer.
Many women who have elevated levels do not have ovarian cancer. There are other processes that may cause elevated CA-125 levels.
On the other hand, a low level does not necessarily mean you don't have ovarian cancer.
We need a more accurate test to detect ovarian cancer in the early stage.

For those of us who have been diagnosed correctly with ovarian cancer through a pelvic exam, ultrasound and CT scan, the CA-125 is useful in monitoring how well the treatments are working.
So far, mine are working well.

For more information on CA-125 from Johns Hopkins, click here.

I Say A Little Prayer For You

2009-05-26T23:16:00.000-07:00

I mentioned in an earlier post that I had a cold with my last chemo treatment.
I started to feel better, but then seemed to have a relapse.
I have been trying to take it easy, so I would feel OK for my final infusion which is next Monday.

But, staying inside and watching TV for days on end has done a number on my emotional state.

Yes, the women of The View, Bonnie Hunt, Judge Judy and the good people of Pine Valley have tried to fill the emptiness of my days.

However, these last few weeks have really been lonely.
I have been napping a lot. That disrupts my sleep. As does the hot flashes.
I am not getting any hormone replacements and that makes my state of mind fluctuate from hour to hour.

I am thankful for my friends.
Lisa calls me almost everyday to check in on me and to offer support.
Susan calls often and has been really helpful taking me to chemo and staying with me so she can drive me home.
Carmen calls to see how I am doing. She gives me all kinds of ideas for getting better, from yoga to taking vitamin D.

All of them have been so good about accepting my many moods and not holding them against me.

Unfortunately for Briana, she gets to see all of the really teary low points from the cancery girl.
Thank you for being patient with me. For loving me even when I am not at all likable.
She forwarded this text message to me tonight. Bonnie was babysitting the kids tonight and originally sent it to Briana.

from bonnie FWD:
Tuesday, May 26, 2009 11:14 PM
From:
@VTEXT.COM" <@VTEXT.COM>

To:
@SBCGLOBAL.NET

from bonnie FWD: Dylan just prayed "dear God thank you for Cathy help her feel better from her chemo. Amen."

This little boy said a prayer for me.

.

I feel better already.

They Have A Card For Everything

2009-05-23T01:33:00.000-07:00

My Mom sent me this card this week.

Having my hair come out in clumps was quite disturbing at first.
Having my head shaved brought tears.
Then, I sort of got used to not having to wash and blow dry a head of hair.
I basically wash my head and wipe it dry.

Still, I am looking forward to those "good hair days" to start.

Singing in the Backseat

2009-05-23T00:43:00.000-07:00

Here's a little clip of Addie. Briana has a post about it here.

It's not the hearty rendition she usually sings, but it's pretty close.

All I Know, I Learned From Daytime TV

2009-05-21T19:59:00.000-07:00

Days have been kind of long here for Godfreysmama.
I had chemo (one more left!) last week. I had a cold at the same time.
Just when I thought I was over the cold, I seemed to have a relapse.

So, I have not really been out of the house since Sunday.

That means a lot of TV watching.

You people who have to go to work everyday don't know what you are missing.
Here are the highlights of daytime television today:

9:00- Susan Sarandon was on with Regis and Kelly. She is opening a ping pong/bar in NYC. She says it's better for your brain than crossword puzzles.
Ping Pong and mojitos?
I think she's onto something there.

10:00- The View was quite a bit more sedate than yesterday when Whoopi and Barbara went after Glenn Beck's throat.
Quote of the day from Elizabeth: "We need to trust our president, listen to him and hope his methods will keep us safe."
I think she's up to something.

Larry King was also at the table today. Larry King is one of the creepiest old men on television. It was bad enough he said he couldn't take Viagra because of his heart condition, but did he really need to tell us he didn't need it??

11:00- I watch The Doctors for this reason.
But, they always have some interesting medical information.
Today I found out that people who have sisters are more balanced, optimistic and ambitious.
And, to my sisters I say....you're welcome.

12 Noon- Thank goodness for the DVR. The Bonnie Hunt Show had this little clip.

Meanwhile over on All My Children, everyone in Pine Valley is a suspect in the murder of Stuart who was inadvertently killed because he was mistaken for his twin brother Adam.
I think Erica did it.
She wants another Emmy.

1:00- On The People's Court, a 19 year old got a scolding for addressing Judge Milian as "Miss" instead on "Judge". Boy, was she mad.

2:00- Did you know pineapple upside cake was first popularized in the 1930's and was called skillet cake?
I didn't either.
Martha told me.

See?

What am I going to do when I have to go back to worK??

In The Buff

2009-05-21T00:57:00.000-07:00

As you know, hair loss is common when having chemotherapy.

The hospital has an appearance center which helps people prepare for the changes that are going to happen.

I have to admit, some of the changes are not too bad. Hair loss on the arms, legs, underarms is pretty nice. No shaving!

But, some hair loss is disconcerting. Like losing my eyelashes and eyebrows bothers me more than losing the hair on my head.

I went to meet the specialist, Yo, before I had my first tx.
My sister, Cheryl, Briana and Susan came with me. We needed to pick out a wig, AKA "alternative hair".

After my first or second round of chemo, my hair started coming out in large clumps.
I went back to see Yo and just went ahead and shaved my head. It was easier to have it go all at once than to lose it strands at a time. Besides, I was tired up sweeping up hair everyday. Tired of having people picking off stray hair from my shirts.

I got the wig, but don't really care too much for it. It's quite itchy. I also have frequent hot flashes and having that hair on makes my head sweat a lot.

I have taken to wearing a buff usually topped by a hat.

Dylan was quite curious about my suddenly wearing hats and buffs. When I take off the hat and the buff he says I look like an old man.
He is right. I have bald spots on my head, but I also have some fuzzy white/gray hair.
They say there is a chance my hair will grow back a different color or may have a different texture.

Until then, I will stick to buffs and hats. Maybe a scarf or two.

Dylan and Addie got in on the buff action.

Mother's Day

2009-05-10T16:51:00.000-07:00

A photo from our trip to Mexico last year.
Happy Mother's Day, Mom.

P.S. It's almost as hard for me to look at a picture of myself with hair as it is without.

The Plumeria Ring

2009-05-09T19:51:00.000-07:00

I received this very thoughtful gift today from my friends, Briana and Ryan.

Of course, Dylan had some say in the design they chose.
It is a beautiful ring and I LOVE it!

The Cat's Out Of The Bag

2009-04-30T19:56:00.000-07:00

Tabby Cat

Meerkats

Cool Cats

Cheshire Cat

Fat Cat

Sour Puss

Glamour Puss

The Cat's Meow

Alley Cats

Big Cat

Catnap

Cell Phone Photos

2009-04-27T22:58:00.001-07:00

More pictures from my cell phone:

Faux News is No News

2009-04-27T14:49:00.001-07:00

To mark his first 100 days in office, President Obama is having a news conference.

It will be broadcast on ABC, NBC and CBS.

Fox has indicated they are not going to air Obama's news conference on Wednesday evening.

They are going to stick with their regularly scheduled programing.

So, instead of showing some respect to our President, Fox will air the show, "Lie To Me".

Something Fox has been doing to the public for quite sometime now.

What Godfrey's Been Up To...

2009-04-26T13:05:00.000-07:00

Looks like Godfrey has some admirers!

Overheard At Dylan and Co.

2009-04-13T11:56:00.000-07:00

Meeting the Easter Bunny last Friday.

And, from a conversation on Easter Sunday:

Dylan (picking up a toy guitar): "Tagi, this makes a very loud sound."

Tagi (that's me): "Really? How loud?"

Dylan: "Very loud. Cover your eyes."

Wade and Karen

2009-04-11T17:33:00.000-07:00

Two of my cousins were diagnosed with cancer this year.

While I was in the hospital recovering from surgery, my cousin Wade passed away from liver cancer.

This is a picture of Wade as a baby.

My cousin, Karen, passed away last weekend from colon cancer.

This is a picture of Karen, me, Cheryl and my cousin Lynette.
In the background you can see the Christmas curtain I mentioned in a previous post.

This is a picture of Cheryl and Karen with some kittens. This picture was taken at my grandparent's house.

I am having a hard time understanding all of this.
Wondering how three of us were diagnosed with cancer within months of each other.

And, the big question:

Why am I still here?

The Gardens

2009-03-27T21:16:00.000-07:00

I went out today.
For pretty much the whole afternoon.
I am exhausted.

I met my friend Jackie at the hospital.
The hospital just finished up a week with JCAHO.
And, if you work in a hospital, you know what that means.
Happy to miss the survey this time around.

I mean, if you're gonna be out on disability because of cancer...it's good to be out during JCAHO week.

I couldn't have timed that tumor better. ;)

Anyway, Jackie finished up at noon and we went out for lunch
Then, we went over to the Huntington Gardens and had a nice long walk.
I really need to increase my endurance and this was the perfect way to get get going on it.

The desert garden is my favorite and is looking beautiful.

We finished up with a cupcake (or two) at Violet's in old town.

Yep.
I went out today.

And, I am exhausted.

Eighth Most Common Cancer Among Women

2009-03-26T19:49:00.001-07:00

Madeline Kahn:

Gilda Radner:

Kathy Bates:

Hey!! Wake Up!!!!!

2009-03-16T16:27:00.000-07:00

Never say never.

About 2 1/2 weeks after my "last post", I found out I had a stage I ovarian cancer.

No wonder I didn't have any energy to blog anymore, eh?

I had not been feeling well for a few months.

I felt bloated, constipated and had a dull pain in my abdomen. I thought it was irritable bowel syndrome.

Then, I started needing to get up ever hour and half at night feeling the need to urinate. I also felt thirsty all the time.

My Mom has diabetes, so I thought maybe this was my issue as well.

I went to the doctor and told her my concern about diabetes. She had me go to have a blood draw and a urinalysis.

After several phone calls, my doctor's nurse finally told me the labs indicated I had "borderline diabetes".

Luckily, I work in a hospital, so I had the advantage of working with a dietitian. My friend, Sandy, gave me all the information anyone could ever want about diabetes.

I began eating better and started monitoring my glucose levels.

My blood sugar never went over 106...even after drinking a regular coke.

But, I still wasn't feeling quite right.

It started to dawn on me that diabetes might not be my problem.

Since my internal medicine MD never returned any calls, I decided to make another appt. to see her. I would not end up keeping that appt.

A few days later, I was at work and started having some shooting pains in my abdomen.

I had been having dull pain for a few months and had learned to deal with it by taking Advil.

I was about to start an eval in the acute area of the hospital, but the pain got so bad, I went back to rehab to sit for a bit.

I guess I knew this was not good and I wanted to be with my nurses.

The rehab nurses.

My friend Flora was working that day. I asked Sandy, the dietitian, to go get her for me.

The next thing you know, I was being hustled down to the ER with Garry, Flora and the Unit Nursing manager, Jorilyn.

It didn't take too long for me to be taken back and examined. Though, at the time it felt like an eternity. During the multiple questions about my history, Flora and Jorilyn stayed with me and consulted with the ER nurses until they were certain my pain was under control. They really did advocate for me when I could not.

Later that evening I had an ultrasound. When the tech asked me if I had a lost a lot of weight recently, I knew it wasn't good.

Not that I had lost any weight, but the idea he thought maybe I had, made me really start thinking this could be bad.

Then I had the CT scan that pretty much confirmed I had cancer.

I had surgery the next day.
This is a photo of my Mom, Susan, Briana, Cheryl, Lisa with Kai, the therapy dog. They were all waiting for me during my surgery.

When I was coming out of the anesthesia, the first thing I heard was my friend, Susan telling me to "wake up". When I say "telling" me to wake up.
It was more like "yelling" at me to wake up.

I guess I was not interested in waking up from my anesthesia stupor.

I don't remember too much about the following 3 days. But, I do remember how wonderful everyone was to me. I had a lot of well wishers, flowers, cards and visitors.
My rehab family also gave me a beautiful quilt which they all signed. I will treasure it always.
I came home about a week later.

My sister, Cheryl, stayed at the hospital everyday and came home with me for a few weeks following my discharge.

She would make me eat, take short walks etc.

We sat on the couch, compared scars, marveled about how loud the kids upstairs could be and watched a lot of daytime TV.

I could not have gotten by without her. It was hard for me (and Godfrey) when she went home.
My other sister, Roxana, came down from Seattle for long weekend. It had been a long time since we had been together. It was good to see her and I am thankful for her visit.

I have also discovered a thing or two about friendship.

I have been blessed with many loving, wonderful people in my life. People who have given their emotional support as well as their time to help me get better.

I can never repay them, my rehab/hospital family for their kindness.

And to my dear friends Briana, Susan and Lisa. Where would I be without you?
I love you very much.

Thankfully, it was a stage I ovarian cancer. I have started chemotherapy as a precaution. I have finished two of the six chemo treatments. A quarter of the way done!

I am still tired but overall, I am feeling well.

Well... with the vicodin and the ambien helping a lot.

Cheryl wants me to take less of these meds. She thinks I will get too addicted to them.

I'm more worried about my new addiction to "All My Children".

Last, And Indeed, Least

2009-01-10T13:21:00.000-08:00

This will be the the last post for this blog.

I have decided that there just isn't much to post about anymore (as evidenced by more and more pictures and videos instead of writing).

So, I am hanging it up for now.

I would delete the thing, but after putting so much work into it...I can't bear to do that.

Just wanted the couple of people who drop by here to know, so they don't feel they have to keep checking back.

Here's To A Better Year

2009-01-06T20:21:00.001-08:00

I didn't think I would laugh.
But, I did.

Cell Phone Photos

2008-12-30T20:12:00.000-08:00

I make Briana and Ryan send me pictures of the kids to my cell phone.
Well, I don't make them.
I just strongly suggest it.

But, what to do with cell phone photos? I can't just look at them and then hit delete. I try. But, I can't.
So, I thought I would give them a real home and post them.

Love, love, love the kitty pajamas!

Before you know it, she'll be able to stand up in the library all by herself.

A few pictures from Disneyland.
What's that outfit she's got on there?
Looks vaguely familiar.

Remember when Disneyland was this much fun???

Don't you just want to pinch those chubby cheeks??

Looks a lot like his daddy here. One cool dude.

Addie doing her oral motor exercises.
Good girl!

A picture from Christmas at her Grandma and Grandpa's house.

All smiles!

I have no idea what this is.

But, I'm, pretty sure it's good blackmail material.

Christmas Cat

2008-12-21T19:58:00.000-08:00

"You want me to do what??"
"Are you sure we have to do this??"
"Let's just get this over with, shall we??"

Remembering Grandma

2008-12-12T15:36:00.000-08:00

Today is my Grandma's birthday. She passed away a few years ago.
She played an important role in my childhood.

Every year on her birthday, she would put up the Christmas Curtain.
That's when Christmas really started for me, my sisters and my cousins.

My grandparents had a couple of big windows in their house out in the country.
Grandma would wrap up little trinkets and hang them from her curtain.
She would put ribbon on them to indicate if the gift was appropriate for a boy or girl, for older kids or younger kids etc.

Every time we went to their house, we got to pick a gift from the curtain.
We lived pretty nearby, so we got to pick a lot.

The gifts were nothing really big.
A little box of chocolates, a paddle ball, a game of jacks.

Such a little thing, really.
But, one of my favorite memories of Christmas past.

December 8, 1980

2008-12-09T18:43:00.001-08:00

Joy and Wing

2008-12-09T18:11:00.000-08:00

Two of my favorites!
Dang it...why can't they be playing here in L.A.??

Cotton Fields

2008-12-03T22:33:00.000-08:00

Odetta. RIP.

Lock Out

2008-11-27T19:35:00.000-08:00

I managed to lock myself out of my apartment today.

Yes. I'm an idiot.

I have done this before. It's sorta easy to do when I do my laundry.
Today, I decided to clean out my kitchen garbage pail. So, I took it out to the laundry room to give it a good scrubbing in the old sink that's out there.
Forgot to unlock the door on the way out.

I live in a small building. There is no building manager to call upon to let me into the apt.
Usually I knock on my neighbor's door and ask if I can use the phone to call my "extra key people".

Because it's Thanksgiving, neither my neighbor nor my key people were around to help me out.

I did have 75 cents in my pocket, so I walked down the street to see if I could find a pay phone.

I found a pay phone not too far from my place. But, it was out of order.

What am I thankful for this Thanksgiving??

That Big Lots was open on Thanksgiving.
That they let me borrow the phone.
And, that "Good Lock and Key" was so fast I was back in my apartment within 20 mins.

Overheard in the Therapy Room

2008-11-19T20:02:00.000-08:00

Therapist: "I'm going to give you a word and I want you to give me a word that means the opposite."

Elderly Female Patient (who's first language is Portuguese, but speaks English fluently): "OK."

Therapist: "What is the opposite of 'remember'?"

Patient: "Forget."

Therapist: "Great. How about the opposite of 'forward'?"

Patient: "Eight words."

What the heck could she be thinking?

She was thinking, the opposite of "4 words" is "8 words".

Everyone knows the opposite of "4 words" is "No words".

Right??

Supermarket Line Reading

2008-11-16T17:55:00.000-08:00

Because God doesn't like idiotic prayers.

Around 4:00 pm

2008-11-15T17:59:00.000-08:00

That's not a marine layer coming in to block out the sun.
It's the smoke from the O.C. fires.

A Cat Video

2008-11-15T00:00:00.000-08:00

This just gave me a good laugh.
Sorta reminds me of myself at work when the copy machine is broken and I'm trying to fix it.
I have no idea what I'm doing, so I just slap it around a little.

Crying, Wailing, Sobbing and Talking

2008-11-11T19:28:00.000-08:00

I watched Dylan and Addie for a few hours last week, while their Mom and Dad went to a movie.

Before they left, Dylan announced that he was also going to go to the movie.
His Daddy explained to him that just he and Mommy were going to go see the movie.

This did not sit very well with the toddler and he continued to insist on going too.

So, Ryan said something like, "Mommy and Daddy are going to see the movie first and then later we'll take you to see a movie."

Dylan seemed quite happy with this and wished them a good time as they left.

Problem solved, right? Um. Not really, no.

As it got closer to bedtime for Dillie, he told me he was staying up because Mommy and Daddy were coming home to "take me to a movie."

When I told him that he wasn't going to a movie that night, he started behaving like...well, a three year old.

Me: "Dylan, Daddy meant that he and Mommy would take you to a movie another night. Not tonight."

Dylan: Starting to cry, "NO! Mommy and Daddy are coming home and taking me to the movie!"

Me: "No, Dillie. Mommy and Daddy want you to go to bed tonight and then maybe in a few days, they will take you to see a movie."

Dylan: Starting to wail, "No! Mommy and Daddy take me to the movie when they get home."

Me: "Now Dylan...it's OK. You will get to see a movie, but not tonight. You have to got to sleep now."

Dylan: Starting to sob, "But, Mommy and Daddy say I can see a movie."

Me: "Why don't you finish watching "Barney" for now, OK?" He settled down for a few minutes.

Then came up to me as I was feeding Addie and said, "When Mommy and Daddy get home, I go to the movie!!"

When I told him he was going to go to bed, the whole cycle of crying, wailing and sobbing started over again.
I decided my mistake was trying to reason with a toddler.
So, I told him he could talk to Mommy and Daddy about it when they got home. But, he would have to go to bed first and wait for them.

This turned into more weeping and whining, but he did lay down in his bed.

After twenty minutes or so, it got kind of quiet in his room, so I went to check on him.
Out of the darkness, a little blonde head popped up and said, "Are they home yet?"
He was sound asleep by the time they walked through the door.

While he was sleeping, I had a little chat with Addie.
See how much speech she's learned.
A speech therapist's dream!

Yes We Can

2008-11-04T22:12:00.001-08:00

A boy ahead of his time:

The Poll Tax

2008-11-03T07:31:00.001-08:00

Early Voting In Norwalk

2008-11-02T18:46:00.001-08:00

Went to Norwalk to vote early today.
Long line!
It took 6 hours, from start to finish.
I just hope it will be worth it!!!

This guy was in line today. He is an actor...but I'm having a hard time placing him.
Anyone know who it is??

Gian's Costume

2008-10-31T17:06:00.000-07:00

Happy Halloween!

2008-10-31T07:54:00.000-07:00

Enough Said

2008-10-30T16:51:00.000-07:00

For P R

2008-10-29T17:11:00.000-07:00

They come to me looking for a voice.
A way to tell their story.
A way to communicate with the world.

Melanoma.
Brain Cancer.
Surgery.
Radiation.
Chemo.
Repeat.

I never understood why you weren't angry.
Angry at your fate.
Angry at God

How are you today?
"Happy to have one more day."

Now there are no more days.
The last one, gone.

Your voice,
Your story,
Will stay with me for a lifetime.

Trick Or Treat

2008-10-23T18:28:00.000-07:00

It's getting close to Halloween and the decorations are going up in the neighborhood.
I thought it would be fun to post what I've been seeing around town.
This first house is interesting.
Lots of spider webs. Nothing else.
Come to think of it, maybe these aren't decorations.
At any rate, it's not very scary.
Maybe someone has just neglected the yard work.

Some people don't want to put much time or effort into the decorating, so they put up one of these Halloween flags.

A lot of the decorations people put up are not scary. Most are just very sweet. After all, you don't really want to scare all the little kids who are trick or treating, right?

This house, for example, has a little scarecrow pumpkin.

This front yard has a big, beautiful jack o lantern.

There are some people who want to decorate, but just don't know what to do.
So, they just throw every decoration they own on the house.

And then, there are some people who really get into the spirit of the holiday.
The people who live in these houses really want to put a scare in you.

I found these two homes with big, ugly spiders above the porches.

This house has the front yard transformed into a cemetery, complete with a scary skeleton and warnings to "stay away".

But, then I came across this house.
This house had the most frighteningly evil, most terrifying and vile front yard decoration of them ALL!
No treats at this house, my friends.
Only wicked tricks.

Addie

2008-10-18T21:36:00.000-07:00

Flora is right. Getting to see this cutie pie is a wonderful birthday present.

48

2008-10-18T12:50:00.000-07:00

I had a birthday yesterday.
As I get older, I am not too fond of birthdays.
But, I am fond of birthday cake.
My friend, Mei, made this beautiful german chocolate cake for me.

Briana sent this video to me during the day of my favorite little boy sing "Happy Birthday" to his Tagi (that would be me).

In the evening, I went to their place for another fabulous german chocolate cake.

Now, Briana grilled me a little on whether or not I knew I was going to get TWO german chocolate cakes for my birthday.
Well, of course I did.
Mei told me last week she was making me one.
I told her she didn't have to, but I was secretly hoping she would.

I liked having the cake at work. It was a wonderful cake and it was GONE before you knew it.
But, that didn't concern me too much. I was happy to share.

Because I knew I was having another one later in the evening.
TWO cakes for the price of ONE birthday!

And, with the one Briana made for me, I have leftover cake for the next few days!

As you can see, Addie was a little bored with the whole thing since she couldn't have any cake.

At The Zoo

2008-10-11T17:36:00.000-07:00

I took Dylan to the zoo today while his Mommy worked and his Daddy took care of Addie.
My friend Donna came along. Always nice to have an extra set of eyes, ears and hands when you're looking after a three year old!
We saw lions, tigers, elephants and monkeys.
I think the little meerkat that was splayed out on his back looking up at us was the cutest thing ever!
Donna really loved the gorillas and bears.
And, for Dylan, it was all about the alligators and hippo.
We had a great time, but unfortunately, I forgot my camera.
Here is one shot from my cell phone of Dillie looking at the gorillas.

Question Of The Day

2008-10-07T19:17:00.000-07:00

John McCain on the debate tonight: "We'll get Bin Laden. I know how to get him."

If Sen. McCain knows how to "get Bin Laden", why the hell doesn't he let Bush in on his little secret???

Mr. Palin's UnAmerican Association

2008-10-07T17:51:00.000-07:00

So, Gov Palin was here in California this past weekend.

She was insinuating that Sen. Obama is not patriotic.

She's quoted as saying Obama has been "palling around with terrorists". She is referring William Ayers. Obama was a child when Ayers was involved in bombing government buildings around the time of the Vietnam War.

Obama apparently was on a charity board with him and Ayers held a fundraiser at his home for Obama early in his career.

This qualifies as "palling around."

Which is quite interesting actually.

Mr. Palin was a member of the Alaskan Independence Party for 7 years. An organization that wants to secede from the United States.

The founder of this Party, Joe Vogler, is quoted as saying, "I'm an Alaskan, not American. I've got no use for America or her damned institutions."

Very patriotic indeed.

To Hell In A Handbasket

2008-10-05T11:09:00.000-07:00

I guess the implication here is that women who don't vote for her and McCain, will go to Hell.

Sec. Albright actually said, "There's a place in Hell for women who don't help other women."

Geez, this woman can't even read a line off a coffee cup correctly.

I'm doing my part to help other women.
I'm voting Obama.

What I Did On My Summer Vacation

2008-09-30T16:34:00.001-07:00

Tomorrow, the party is over and I'm back to work.
The lifestyle I've adopted of staying up until the wee hours of the morning and sleeping until 11 am will come to an end.
It is definitely going to be an uphill battle climbing out of bed at 6:45.
The cat demands to continue his sleep all day, eat all day lifestyle, so back to the grind I go.
It was nice while it lasted.
On my first day of vacation I went with the gals to The L.A. County Fair where we met this guy:

Of course he just cardboard, but more life-like that John McCain, I'd say. ;)

The first week, I went on a Mexican (but rather be in Greece) Cruise.

The following week I spent going to lunches and dinner with friends, tried to finish a book I started reading, enjoyed the debate and the season premieres of The Amazing Race and Brothers and Sisters, snuggled with Godfrey on the couch and wasted entirely too much time on Facebook.

One of the highlights of my time off was when Lisa took me to see Rickie Lee Jones in concert.

And, of course, I met Superman.

Princess In A Tutu

2008-09-28T00:06:00.000-07:00

Is She Informed Enough?

2008-09-27T00:53:00.000-07:00

I am tired of hearing how Obama is an "elitist".
I don't know when a Harvard education became a liability in this country.
Call me crazy, but I'd like to have a president who is, well...intelligent.
And, I'd like the one next in line to be too.

Happy Birthday

2008-09-26T20:18:00.000-07:00

Hope you got to relax this much today too!

Happy Birthday.

Row 9, Center

2008-09-26T15:42:00.001-07:00

Last night, Lisa took me for an early birthday present, to see Rickie Lee Jones. She was playing at the Cerritos Center For The Performing Arts.
Lisa and I having going to see RLJ for years. I can't even begin to say how many times we have seen her. But,we have seen her twice this year.

My first time was at the Raymond Theatre here in Pasadena circa 1980. I was in college at the time. My sister and bro-in-law came up from B-field for the show. That's when Rickie Lee ( I say "Rickie Lee" like we're friends or something) was drinking onstage a lot.
We couldn't understand a word she sang and I LOVED it.
Now, she's sipping water during the performances and she seems to be getting better with age.

Did I say age?
That reminds me.
I'm not sure what the median age was at that show last night, but I think it might have been about 64.
Lisa and I were standing in the lobby gazing at the crowd.
Gray hair. Everywhere.

We began to wonder where they were storing all the walkers.
Who were these old folks? And, why were they at a RLJ concert?
"Season Ticket holders", we reasoned.
No, these old people loved her.

Just like we will when we're 64.

Not All Women Are The Same

2008-09-25T12:25:00.001-07:00

Would rather have this woman in charge of things...

rather than this woman.
Just my opinion.

Managed Care

2008-09-23T22:51:00.000-07:00

This is an interesting OpEd piece on McCain's healthcare plan.

De-regulation of the healthcare system.

Because is worked so well in the banking industry.

Flower Power

2008-09-22T17:49:00.001-07:00

Hmmmmmmm. Let me see.

I think I'm pretty safe in saying this...

I think her Mommy LIKES this outfit.
What do you think??